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frozen tears
wounded - Rothko "White Over Red" 1957
He'd mentioned that he might be completing on his college application, but I didn't really believe my boyfriend would rather work on his portfolio than be with me on New Year's Eve. That he might see me on my birthday. Might.

I didn't think that my best friend would totally flake on our plans, and opt to house-sit her sister's place by herself.

Didn't imagine my mom's surgery would have so many complications that I'm scared to venture far from home for fear that she'd bleed out before help could arrive.

Didn't consider that my other friends couldn't even try to accommodate me.

I've found myself holding back the tears all day, but on the dozenth rejection, they flowed freely.

One of my friends is going dancing some 35 miles away, and about an hour ago, did half say it'd be okay if I accompany him, but I just now received a voice mail from him saying he didn't want to take me dancing as long as I'm seeing someone else, saying that he didn't want to stir up trouble. Which is so ridiculous, I almost half laughed in my mind. Were I not so sad, I may have laughed aloud.

And I just received a text from another friend who is spending NYE with her hubby. They have a rare empty house and are going to spending it cuddling and watching movies and getting high together. It's so romantic, and I may have started sobbing internally.


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